The Cloud

The Cloud does content filtering on their wifi? Who knew?

Sent from my iPhone

Way to go on reaching out to your customers

It's time for a post inspired by the contents of my spam folder. Well, OK, not mine, Pink Goddess's spam folder.

She had an email titled "The Weight you are carrying might NOT be all fat". Well, I don't know much biology, but I'm pretty sure there's bones, muscles, and assorted other wobbly bits inside me. In fact, I know they're in there because they hate me, the bastards.

Anyhow, I read on, to find this:

It's NOT uncommon for people to carry as much as thirty pounds of toxic waste in their colon. In fact, some bowels, when autopsied, weighed up to 40 pounds with a diameter of 12" (30cms) with only a narrow passage through which feces could be eliminated.




Toxic waste? What, like the stuff you get from nuclear power stations? Plus, I'm sure that I hardly need point out that dead people are frequently in poor health, and so their situations are hardly to be admired.

Colons that contain parasites are often impacted with mucous that prevents nutrients for cells from being absorbed. As a result you tend to eat more and more in order to get enough nutrition to get through the day which, in turn, leads to more weight gain.

Um, what? Surely, if you're not absorbing nutients from your food, you'd lose weight. If you eat more to balance this out, then you'd stay the same weight. And, how about semi-colons?




But you can STOP the cycle. $PRODUCT is a proven colon cleanser. It contains natural ingredients that flush harmful food debris and toxins from the colon - leaving it clean, disinfected, and functioning properly.



Food debris? Like excrement? So, what you're saying here is "You're full of crap, we can help!" This isn't a great sales pitch, you know. "Hey, sack of crap! Buy our stuff, and enjoy the brief seconds between instant gratification and buyer's remorse!" Woo, I've got to get me some of that. Honest.

The Standard American Diet (or SAD) for most American’s consists of ultra-high level fat content foods with high levels of preservatives. Add to that pollution from red and white meats, water, air and other environmental factors can leave your insides feeling yucky and run-down.

Oh, so much wrong, even apart from the fact that finding the Standard American Diet is known as SAD to its friends, and a charming little greengrocers' apostrophe. Red and white meats are pollution? Oh, no, sorry. Red and white meats, as well as air and water, can have pollution in them. This can make you feel yucky. How delightfully scientific. I look forward to the day my doctor says something like "Feeling yucky, patient THX-1138? One of these ickle pills, just twice a day, will pep you right up!"

OK, I lied.


 But on it goes:

An average American will eat 4-6 meals/day and have a typical bowl-movement (bm) once a day. This leaves anywhere from 5-8 meals of food sitting in your system at any given time.

A what? A "bowl-movement"? The last time I had a "bowl movement", I was doing the washing up. I suspect, given that you're talking crap, you may have meant "bowel movement". I mean, the buttons are right next to each other, I can see how you made the mistake. Oh, wait, no I can't. Are you sure that I'm the one that's full of crap?

Have you ever considered this simple question: Are You Clean Inside?


No. No I haven't. I'd go look, but it's dark in there, and I don't want to give anyone who thinks I'm too far up myself already any more ammunition, thank you very much. I think what I'll do is just not eat any more pollution from meat, make sure I move my bowls regularly, and see what happens, thanks.

I should read my spam more often.

Rock-hard Science, two small text boxes

This is awesome. At the Time Tree web site, you can select any two living species, and the web site will calculate how many million years ago those two species last had a common ancestor. For instance, domestic cats and cows diverged about 80 million years ago (MYA). By comparison, man and bonobo apes, one of our closest living relatives, diverged about 6 million years ago.

Personally, I could spend hours playing with this. Cows and whales, anyone? Or domestic cats and sand cats?

Disclaimer: This may be contrary to what your religion, faith, or other belief system teaches about how life came about. Sorry about that.

A Question

jonv asked:

Do you start with an ordinary van and make it camper?

Yes, I believe you do. Probably by distilling Alan Carr and Julian Clary, then spraying a motor vehicle with the results.

Ba Clog

I have too many things to review, so here's some short notes on blog posts I owe you:

• Thriller Live: Awesome. Go see it.
• Bristol Museum vs. Banksy: Awesome. Go see that, too.
• Wookey Hole: Amazing. OK, really amazing considering it's basically a bloody great big hole in the ground. Still worth seeing.
• Sandyglade Holiday Park: Awful. Best avoided, unless your idea of a relaxing bathroom experience includes trying not to touch anything in there while lukewarm water dribbles on the floor, somehow missing your body. I've never been in prison, but I'd imagine that somewhere at Sandyglade there's a tunnel leading to one of Her Majesty's Hotels.
• Holidays: Generally a good thing, I'd recommend them.

More when I have time, but I must point out that Pink Goddess agrees in the main with what's above. Apologies for the delay, but I can assure you that it's highly unlikely the random brain-leaks I come up with will be worth the wait. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves, I've welded a comment form to this very blog for precisely that purpose. Thanks!

Camper Van

Apparently we should look into buying a camper van. The thing is, I have no idea how this would work. Do you just drive it to a campsite, plug in electric, water, drains, and Ethernet and go from there, or what?

I'm baffled. Plus, of course, once you're there, presumably if you want to go somewhere, you've got to drive the camper van. I can't see me getting Pink Goddess on the back of a moped. Well, more than once, anyway.

Any ideas?

Gmail Folders

Gmail doesn't do folders in the usual way. Instead, it has tags. Each tag appears as a folder to a client, and each email message you get has a set of tags associated with it. Confusingly, if a message has more than one tag, it appears in more than one folder. Even more weirdly, these tags appear as folders to an email client. I'm guessing this is because IMAP doesn't support tags. Anyway, if you create tags, then tag messages (and remember to remove the "Inbox" tag), then you can approximate moving messages into folders, at least as far as your email client knows. I use Mail.app, of course, and it works fine.

It also lets you have rules, which you can use to assign tags to incoming emails automatically. So, with a little work, you can have Gmail sort your incoming email into folders automatically, just like Microsoft's Outlook (or its ginger step-sibling) does.

I did all of this because between Twitter, Facebook, Who Made Your Pants, and the rest of the email I was getting, it was taking an age to download my mail on my trusty iPhone 2G.

It all seems to work fine, although the first time I've fired up Mail.app on each machine it's taken ages to get itself sorted out. Thank goodness for my 10MB upgrade!